Faceoff! Motorola's new Black RAZR vs. D&D's Black Razor Sword

Engadget has some sweet pics of Motorola's new Black RAZR. Now, I thought the old silver RAZR was pretty cool looking, but wielding one of these black beauties just might awaken fond memories of battling drow, xorn, and umber hulks at childhood playgrounds like White Plume Mountain and Tomb of Horrors.

For those of you, like me, who have always longed for your own badass Black Razor (and can pry yourselves away from World of Warcraft for two seconds), here's a comparison:

  Black Razor Sword Motorola Black RAZR
Description Bastard Sword of Life Stealing Thin, fashion phone for bastard hipsters
Alignment Evil|--------x--------|Good
(Chaotic Neutral)
(Lawful Good)
Abilities Intelligence: 17
Wisdom: 15
Charisma: 13
Ego: 13
Frequencies: 800/900/1800/1900
Memory: 5MB
Form Factor: Clamshell
Data: GPRS class 10
Speech & Telepathy speaks Common, plus up to 3 more languages spoken by its current wielder, which the sword learns telepathically MMS, Polyphonic Ringtone, J2ME MIDP 2.0 / CLDC 1.0
Detection Detects Living Creatures (Souls) 60' radius Detects Bluetooth class 1 devices (100m range)
Price 105,000 gp (includes sheath) $529.99 (includes charger)
Notes "Mission: To suck souls. It is a black sword that shines like a piece of the night sky filled with stars, and it is sheathed in a black scabbard decorated with pieces of cut obsidian. On a killing stroke, Blackrazor temporarily adds the number of levels of the dead foe to it's bearers levels (in terms of fighting ability). The bearer also temporarily gains the full hit points of the victim...

...The souls of all the entities killed by Blackrazor are sucked out and devoured; those killed by the black sword cannot be raised. For every three days the sword remains 'unfed', its ego increases by one point, until it can compel its bearer to kill a human or humanoid being, upon feeding, it's ego returns to 16....

... The DM must remember that Blackrazor exists solely to feel the power and souls coursing through itself, and sometimes It may not be too picky about where the energy is coming from...."
(from Geoff's AD&D Magic Items)

"The sword derives sustenance from devouring the life forces of it's victims For every week in which it goes unfed it's ego (base13) will increase +1 up to it's max. if it overcomes the wielders will. The sword will force him to feed it's hunger (usually whoever is closest) Each use during this time will force a ego roll until fed."

(from here)
Mission: To look cool. It is a black phone that shines like a piece of the night sky filled with stars.

Upon purchasing, the wielder may find that other possessions now pale in comparison. This may induce a compulsion to consider unnecessary upgrades to other gadgets (Nintendo DS=>PSP, iPod=>Dell DJ ) just to keep up appearances.

If a week has passed, and the phone does not sense a flashy gadget or accessory purchase, the owner should make an ego roll with a -1 penalty for every $500 remaining in his/her checking account.

The Dungeon Master should be aware that actually using the phone to make calls has no effect, as the purpose of this phone is merely to assist the self-esteem of the purchaser.

Interestingly, the black RAZR accomplishes its soul-stealing via a VGA camera just like the silver GSM RAZR, while the silver CDMA RAZR has a megapixel camera.
Verdict Winner: None
Loser: wombat

It's true...

Posted on Thu, 14 Apr 2005 16:54 by Seni Sangrujee (2265 day(s) old)

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